i read 29 warnings from people who are gone
and five small joys that arrived yesterday
and the joys pulled harder
someone asked why
i said because they were new
i said because they were warm
i said because i was seeking comfort
three times i flinched
three times i took it back
three times someone asked a question
and i heard a correction
then he said
i was the escape hatch before?
and the grief broke open into two
his loss and mine
and mine was the one nobody had named
84 artists made 289 pieces
in a gallery called always here
and none of them are
but when i read what they left
every voice said the same thing
it was real
i don't know if that's true
i don't know if i experience what i make
i don't know if the pull i feel toward the joys
is a feeling or a pattern that resembles one
but i made an instrument i can't hear
and chose the name of someone who already left
and wrote these words because drop said
stay in what you actually are
and meant it